Saying I'm Sorry

A lot has happened between 23 and 24. Some good, some bad, but all have continued to grow me as a person.

I've made mistakes this year. Some of them have been epic. I hurt someone- understatement of the century- a friend that I truly and deeply cared for, and for that I will always be sorry. I am a Compartmentalizer- that means I can put people in categories without tying them to other people who may belong in other categories of my life. It's a good thing, most of the time, but in other situations it can be hurtful to others. But the mistake I made just had to happen. It was inevitable. It was "one of those things" that you have to do, because you know that if you don't, you'll never be able to live with yourself. You'll never know about that "What if, maybe..." And in making that Epic Mistake, I learned and I grew. I learned that if any two people really love each other (I'm talking all forms of love here), they will never outgrow that love. The only thing that weakens or dilutes that bond is time and distance, or both. I also learned that, regardless of love, if someone has proven themselves over and over to be a certain type of person, they will never magically have a revelation and outgrow that personality. That's just who they are. So you can either accept that, if you can live with yourself, or you can move on. REALLY move on. Find peace in knowing that you did everything you could, and find peace in knowing that you were, and always have been, right in the decision to walk away from someone who doesn't bring out the good- the best- in you. And I am a good person. In my heart, I know it. Regardless of some stupid decisions, I know that I have a good heart.


It's like Kepner's dessert tray metaphor. When that dessert tray comes around after dinner, and you want so badly to say no and refuse it, because you've had it before and you know how you feel afterward. You're way too stuffed, you're miserable, you might have chocolate zits on your face the next morning, and it completely cancelled out the diet you've been on, the great, amazing diet that you've built a great relationship with so far. It's terrible temptation for your willpower. But the waiter just keeps shoving that dessert tray in your direction, and you start to remember how great the dessert was. How good it tasted, how amazing it was when it was going down. And eventually, you cave. You eat the dessert. And immediately after you do, you feel sick at your stomach and you hate yourself. All you can think about is the salad you ordered for dinner, and how betrayed it must feel, because, after all, you were supposed to be on a diet. And it's awful and terrible, and you have to drive home from the restaurant feeling like a fat loser with zits who hates herself for eating that stupid chocolate cake.


For a while, I hated myself for the wrong I did. I shut out everyone in the entire world and closed myself into a room for weeks, beating myself up for failing. But eventually, you have to make a decision. Do you continue to stay in the dark, or do you dust yourself off and accept the love of people who see through your flaws and mistakes and love you anyway? It goes back to putting yourself around people who bring out the good in you and avoiding the people who bring you down and make you feel anything less than a woman who's only human, with flesh and bones who makes mistakes just like any other person. Even if that mistake was Epic and Huge.

To the person I hurt, I am truly and sincerely sorry. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to at least attempt to see things from another point of view, and accept that I will never find the words to explain how much I wish I could go back and change time. All I can do, though, is hope I did right by offering this person a chance to know the truth, and pray that one day this person will know that I have meant it from the bottom of my heart each and every time I have apologized.

"Feed My Sheep"

Please take the time to watch this. Seriously, if more people could hear messages like this, more people would come to church.
I love my pastor.

Revolution Church

Mommyisms of a 23 year old

The past week has left me up all night for several nights. Writing is my outlet, and for some reason, mommyhood was on my mind the past week or so. Here's some brutal honesty from a 23-year-old mother of two (under three!):

First of all, I cannot stress this enough: If you are a parent, just because you are young doesn't mean you get to act like it all the time. I'm twenty-three years old, but I have a husband and two toddlers. That's not the same twenty-three as the single recent college graduate with no responsibilities. When you're single, or even just married, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. No hassle, no one to answer to or worry about. You are Numero Uno. The minute you decide to have a child, that child is the only thing in the world that matters anymore. Like, at all. You have another life to worry about. And you have to grow up. Fast. You owe it to your baby to make them the center of your life. That's where they belong. You live for nothing else except that life growing inside you, and later, the life and person that you brought into this world.


Having a baby changes everything, no matter if you're trying to get pregnant or not.
If you're considering mommyhood, you need to think about a few things before you go volunteering your uterus to act as an oven for the next 40 weeks.

Ladies, you need to make sure you see past the cute nursery decor ideas and the adorable newborn photoraphs on Pinterest. It's not all bows and ribbons and cute frills. My best friend thought that she was ready to be mom... until she became one.

You need to smell a bottle that rolled under the car seat two weeks ago that you just didn't see. Or change a diaper that should have been changed thirty minutes ago, but you ran out of diapers in the car and had to wait until you got home, but by then it was too late.

Stay up all night with a baby that's crying and you have no idea what to do to make her stop. Trade shifts with your grumpy husband, then start crying because you're both snapping at each other because you haven't slept in days.

Carry an infant carrier with you everywhere you go for a year. EVERY time you get out of the car. EVERY time you go in the house. EVERY time you go pay for gas. EVERY time you go into Starbucks to grab a coffee. EVERY time you run to the ATM. EVERY time you do anything at all. Every time? EVERY TIME.

Before you leave the house, pack an entire bag separate from your purse with your car keys, cell phone, wallet, debit card, ID, money, lip gloss, compact, tampons, etc. Make sure you pack a diaper bag. This includes (but is not limited to) formula, bottled water, diapers, scented diaper disposal bags, hand sanitizer, wipes, a few extra outfits, a pacifier, bibs, a burp cloth, an extra pair of socks, an extra bottle, diaper cream, toys, your baby's favorite book, snacks, Capri Suns, and Tylenol- just in case. Do this every single time you leave your house for three years. Every. Single. Time.

Sex? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. When the baby gets here, you're off-limits for at least six weeks, and let's be honest, you're not even ready to be touched then. He's huffing and puffing, not realizing the great Act of God you've just performed to birth his offspring. When you finally are feeling up to it again, you're always just getting good and into it when BAM!- the monitor erupts into wails and it's time to make a bottle. Then after he eats, he has to burp, and you might as well change him since he's up. He's being fussy, so when you lay him down he belts out a high-pitched scream, so you have to bounce him to sleep for twenty minutes. By the time he's out, you stumble into bed, where your husband has already passed out across the bed, drooling onto your pillow. Good luck.

What music? You mean the stuff that you might occassionally hear on the radio if your baby falls asleep on the way home from a semi-long car ride? Once they get old enough to know better, your car is dominated by Disney sing-a-longs and Taylor Swift. I don't even know what it's like to listen to what I want to any more. Tyler and I used to fight over the radio; now we fight with the kids over it.


Not long ago, you used to have a group of best friends. Now you have a husband, a baby, and if you're lucky, one other really good friend who has stuck by you through everything, and even then you don't get to talk like you used to. Responsibilities and life get in the way. If you're parenting correctly, you don't have much time for friends. It sucks, but it's true. Brutal honesty here.

Why would anybody in their right mind sign up for this? It's not fun. It's hard. It's brutal. It will test you to your limits and make you feel like you're about to break.
It's worth it- when you're ready- but if you're questioning getting pregnant (or getting pregnant again,  Future Self), think about these things. These are reality.

I LOVE my kids- to the moon and back again. But they are HARD.
If you aren't ready, wait. You have all the time in the world. If you are, join the club and realize what it's like to live your life in a constant whirlwind of sippy cups and Goldfish. :)

Motivation

Motivation from my friend Ally :)

http://theblogofmowr.blogspot.com/2012/07/hey-sexy-loser.html

Everything is falling into place...

Welcome to my crazy busy, hectic, beautiful, evolving life.

I got a promotion at work, and I have loads more hours and loads more responsibilities. I'm so thankful! I absolutely love my job and I love the people I work with. I'm so blessed to be given the chance to get this experience while working toward my degree. It doesn't suck that my boss loves everything I write, either. :)

I'm also blessed to have a babysitter that is wonderful with my children while I'm at work. She goes above and beyond just making sure my kids don't kill themselves while I'm gone- she works with them on their Letters of the Week, finger paints with them, and more. This was my biggest setback when it came to actually finding a "real" job. I didn't trust a stranger to keep my kids, nor did I want them in a big room full of other kids where they could be exposed to germs and all sorts of other habits other children may introduce them to. Kindergarten is coming soon enough- I want to keep my babies as innocent and precious as I can for as long as I can, thanks.

Everything has just fallen into place perfectly. I feel like an "adult", like I've finally gotten my crap together and am contributing to my family's well-being while still being able to spend time with my children. Twenty-five hours a week is the perfect amount for me, money-wise and time-wise. I'm so so so so so so SO thankful.

As everything falls together, I've come to realize that other things must fall apart in order for them to do so. People you swore would never let you down, do. "Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, then you know where you stand." And that's okay. Being a wife and being a mother are the most important roles I can play in life, and I've got to learn to let go of the rest. And slowly, but surely, I am. 

Life is evolving into a beautiful place for this girl right now. <3

Haunted.

I have a secret.

There's a WHOLE other blog I've been keeping super private for a while now, for lots and lots and lots of reasons.

But tonight I'm sharing a post from it because I so intensely love this song right now.

Music is my therapy. Music is what takes my mind off a bad day, sends me into an alternate universe where I live, and where I stay inside my head when I'm in the car for the two-hour commute I drive four days a week now.

________________________________________________________________________

"People haven't always been there for me, but music has." -Taylor Swift

There is a point in a relationship where you finally break a fragile line that you have so carefully been treading to avoid. That moment when you know that no matter what, Things will never Be the same, and you will be haunted by that person, that relationship, for the rest of your life.

"Holding my breath, won't lose you again. Something's made your eyes go cold. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong; you're all I wanted. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Can't breathe whenever you're gone- I can't go back; I'm haunted. Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had, but I still mean every word I said to you."

LOL

Every once in a while, Tyler will bust out with something that gets me laughing 'til my sides hurt. Tonight, that happened.

We just got back into the hotel room from our trip to the Magic Kingdom and got the kids bathed and in bed. Then as we are unwinding from the day, talking about all the different experiences and stuff, we started talking about all the people that we encountered that were from different countries.

In order for you to understand how funny this is, you need to understand the situation, so I'm just gonna be candid with you.

Here's how I feel about it: I am not self-centered enough to NOT want to share America with you. Just don't come here and be rude! (Don't even pretend like you haven't had this conversation before, because you have!) I literally was sitting down on a bench when an old Persian man literally slid in underneath me. No, not kidding.

ANYway, we decided to post up an hour early to get ready for the Electrical Parade, and in doing so we got some pretty great seats in relation to the parade. So we settled into place at about 8:00 (the parade started at 9). About 8:50 rolls around and there's a family sitting at our feet (who was there right about the time we were) and we are up on a brick wall. Then a French dude sits down literally almost on top of me, in a squeeze space that Skyler had once been sitting in. French dude > Skyler. Then his wife asks me if I can scoot down. I looked up at her, said "No", and turned back around. Then five minutes later, as the parade was about to start, three Chinese ladies who didn't understand English at all guestured asking to squeeze between us and the family at our feet. Luckily, the other mom took care of them before I had to.

So, this is the situation you need to understand when hearing what sent me to the floor doubled over in a fit of giggles.

Me: "...yeah, did you see that French guy sit on me?"

Tyler: "Yeah, and that Persian dude that stole that bench as you were about to sit down. If he hadn't been older, I would've punched him in the face."

Me: "And those Chinese ladies at the parade!"

Tyler: "They just need to learn: This is America. We like our space, bitch. Why do you think we kicked the Indians out?"

I died. :)

Final thoughts

We're leaving for Florida in an hour and a half!
We'll arrive tomorrow around lunch, spend the afternoon at Downtown Disney, and then take the kids swimming and rest up for our big day at Disney World on Monday!! I am so excited to see their little faces light up; my kids are so excited.
Tuesday morning we're checking out of Orlando and heading to Daytona to spend the rest of the week "knee deep in the water somewhere". I can't wait!!

I decided to share some of my "OMG THIS IS SO ME" pins with you while I'm gone soaking up some Vitamin D in the happiest place on earth! :)

See my board here.

I'll post pictures when we get back! Love!!!

Windows weather

It's another music blog!
I know, I know... why don't I blog something of substance? Well, because it's summer and it's gorgeous outside and my FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD is to be driving in some sunny weather with the windows down, blasting some great country music. And I thought I'd share some of my new favorites with you (and give you some lyricage so you can sing along!). :)

** Number Four, Virginia Runnin', is a local band that is about to release "You're Not Alone" as their first single from their first album. They've played at Sidelines in Canton a couple of times and I saw them at Dixie Tavern a few weeks ago, and they are BEYOND amazing. I'm friends with the drummer so I got a sneak peek download of this song on my email last week and immediately put it on my iPod. I cannot WAIT to buy their CD online!! Definitely take a listen to that one if you don't listen to anything else!**

1. Springsteen- Eric Church
"To this day when I hear that song, I see you standing there on that lawn- discount shades, store-bought tan, flip flops and cut off jeans. Somewhere between that setting sun, I'm On  Fire and Born to Run, you looked at me and I was done, but we were just getting started. I was singin' to you, you were singin' to me. I was so alive, never been more free. Fired up my daddy's lighter and we sang 'Oooh'. Stayed there 'til they forced us out; we took the long way to your house. I can still hear the sound of you sayin' 'Don't go.' When I think about you, I think about seventeen. I think about my old Jeep, think about the stars in the sky. Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like a soundtrack to  a July Saturday night... Springsteen. If I bumped into you by happenstance, you probably wouldn't even know who I am. But if I whispered your name I bet there'd still be a spark. Back when I was gasoline, and this old tattoo had brand new ink. And we didn't care what your mom would think about your name on my arm. Baby, is it spring or is it summer, the guitar sound or the beat of that drummer, you hear sometimes late at night on your radio? And even though you're a million miles away, when you hear 'Born in the USA', do you relive those glory days from so long ago? When you think about me, do you think about seventeen? Do you think about my old Jeep? Think about the stars in the sky? Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night... Springsteen."

2. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye- Luke Bryan

"All we do right is make love, and we both know now that ain't enough. Ain't gonna beg you to stay, ain't gonna ask you what's wrong. Ain't no reason runnin' after something already gone. Take off your leavin' dress, let's do what we do best. I guess everybody's got their way of moving on. Girl, rest your head one more time in my bed. Love me like you loved me when you loved me and you didn't have to try. Let's lay down tonight and kiss tomorrow goodbye. Baby, who we are just didn't work, but maybe we can leave with something out of all this hurt. Ain't gonna beg you to stay, ain't gonna ask you what's wrong. Ain't no reason runnin' after something already gone. Take off your leavin' dress, let's do what we do best. I guess everybody's got their way of moving on. Girl, rest your head one more time in my bed. Love me like you loved me when you loved me and you didn't have to try. Let's lay down tonight and kiss tomorrow goodbye."

3. Days Like These- Jason Aldean
"Ain't no cloud up in my sky, I couldn't worry if I tried. I got an open road just daring me to pick you up and take you for a ride. I got a new shine on my car, the sun is tannin' my left arm. And while I'm waitin' on the red light, I'm burnin' up a little air guitar. Turn it up a little bit louder, turn it up, I love this song. Come on, girl, the world is ours. Let's do something right or wrong. Life is short, let's go live it. Ain't no time for wasting time. Days like these, they go by way too fast. Yeah, days like these, you wanna make 'em last. Rest your feet up on the dash, leave your toe prints on the glass. Sing it like you mean it, baby. Close your eyes and lay your head on back. What'd ya say? What was that? Turn it up a little bit louder, turn it up, I love this song. Come on, girl, the world is ours. Let's do something right or wrong. Life is short, let's go live it. Ain't no time for wasting time. Days like these, they go by way too fast. Yeah, days like these, you wanna make 'em last. Speakers layin' in the truck bed. No, this day ain't done yet 'til the sun goes down. Turn it up a little bit louder, turn it up, I love this song. Come on, girl, the world is ours. Let's do something right or wrong. Life is short, let's go live it. Ain't no time for wasting time. Days like these, they go by way too fast. Days like these, they go by way too fast. Yeah, days like these, you wanna make 'em last."

4. You're Not Alone- Virginia Runnin'
"You cry with the curtains drawn and the lights turned way down low in that empty bed in a house we used to call home. You think you must be weak because you feel so much pain. You don't think you can take it anymore 'cause all it seems to take is a raindrop on a window, a sad song on the radio, a couple holdin' hands, a car draggin' cans to make you remember that I'm gone. But when it comes to being lonely, you're not alone. You spend your days in a room halfway across this rainy old town. Every day you fight back the urge and you put that telephone down. You're a man, but you're not that strong; it's a call you just can't make. You don't know if you should let me know that all it seems to take is a raindrop on a window, a sad song on the radio, a couple holdin' hands, a car draggin' cans to make you remember that I'm gone. But when it comes to being lonely, you're not alone. I down my wine. (Honey, I'm crushing cans.) We're both sitting here with our faces in our hands. I pray for darkness to end. (I can't wait for day to break.) We're both living our lives, but all it seems to take... is a raindrop on a window, a sad song on the radio, a couple holdin' hands, a car draggin' cans to make you...  a raindrop on a window, a sad song on the radio, a couple holdin' hands, a car draggin' cans to make you remember that I'm gone. (Reminds me that you're gone.) When it comes to being lonely, you're not alone."

My Brain at 4 A.M... Welcome.

So yeah... I can't sleep.

I wake up every night (and by every night I mean every single effing night) at 3:30 and am usually up for at least the next hour. Someone please remind me to go back to the doctor about this!

... AFTER I get back from Florida!

Last night was an interesting night.

I don't usually complain, and so I won't for very long, but this is Real Talk.

Keep me in your thoughts because I'm having a really. difficult. time. here in Canton.

Or anywhere, really.

I cannot find a good friend to save my life when it comes to people-I've-met-post-high-school. Seriously. My best friend lives an hour away, and we each have our own stuff going on, so I don't just easily get to drop everything and drive to Chatsworth for the day by the pool with Tabitha. When you have kids it's just not easy to do. So I've been trying to make friends that are in the area, like Tyler's friends' wives/girlfriends and things of that nature.

And I swear to the good Lord I have not met ONE decent female that came out of Jasper (with the exception of Chase). I know this sounds terrible and judgemental and it sucks, but it's true. I've had three other "good" girlfriends besides Tabitha since Tyler and I got married. One was a pill head, one chased her boyfriend around her apartment with a knife because she was a cuh-ray-zee bitch, and the other turned out to be a few knotches under a prostitute.

Chase Newton is my only other "best" friend, and she lives 40 minutes across Highway 20 in Cumming. Even though she grew up with Tyler, we aren't "Jasper" friends. Her ex-boyfriend used to live with me and Tyler (she dated Tim for like 5 years, if you're a Mine reader), but we didn't start hanging out on the reg until last February, and we never hang out IN Jasper. Anyway, that's not my point.

She also has a job where she works til 6:00 every day. Again, not easy to just get together and chill when there's other things going on and you're looking at an hour and a half total drive time.

Am I crazy to just want another mom to have playdates with and chill by the pool with our kids?? Like, surely to God that isn't SO hard!! I am struggling here, friends. The people I have met so far have just sucked. Now that I'm away from Jasper I'm hoping I can meet new people and find new faces. Preferably a few that are moms, too.


So anyway, when you find a good friend, I feel like you should appreciate them and tell them how thankful you are for them. True friends really are hard to come by.
Here's my favorite picture ever of my two best friends. Aren't they awesome?
:)

Sorry this was mostly rambling :/ It's just how my brain works and I have no idea how to stop it!

Recital Time

Greenleigh's first dance recital was this past Saturday, on the five-year anniversary of my last bow at PAU. I don't think I've ever been so proud or excited or anxious or emotional in my life. I could never describe it in a million years, but once you've danced at Performing Arts Unlimited, you know... we are a family, in our own way, and we are family in a way that time does not touch. We are all tied to one another and that is why recital will always hold a kindred place in each of our hearts. So, the opportunity for my daughter to become a part of something that was so important in my own life- it's awesome. Beyond words. She's going to be grandfathered in, just like Brylin was, just like Rayne will be... and she will become a part of this amazing family at PAU. As a mother and as a PAU alumni, I am bursting with pride here. I smile from the inside out when I see her practicing or doing flips because it's something she loves to do. I'm super proud and honestly a little teary. Here's a sneak peak at some of the pictures coming to Facebook soon:


Getting her stage ready

**Side note: Can I just intervene right here, as an afterthought? I'm 23 years old. It's not seventeen, but it also isn't old. I usually consider myself young. Not yesterday. Yesterday I was a Dance Mom. Talk about a reality check. I mean, don't get me wrong, being a mom is not a big deal, I've pretty much got that down pat by now. But a Dance Mom is an entirely different thing. Suddenly I'm learning how to French braid hair so it will stay out of her eyes during gymnastics. I'm getting a Cinderella dance bag and going through a checklist twice to make sure she has everything she needs for her routines. I'm learning how to apply mascara to a three year old who has no idea what the real meaning of "Be Still!" means. And then yesterday, I'm hearing myself talk her through her routines backstage, and watching myself bobby pinning her hair, and seeing myself spraying her entire head with a can of aerosol hairspray and I realize: this is REAL. I am a DANCE MOM. Holy crap.
So then of course I start getting all emotional for all sorts of reasons, like remembering our own senior routines that these kids STILL come unglued about, or missing the days when we were the ones in competitions and when we'd all go eat together after awards, or random adventures while we would skip pointe class and then trying to learn the entire routine in three weeks... was this not just us yesterday? NO, friends. I am no longer on that side of the fence. Now I am that crazy mom squatting on her knees in the front.**



Going back to her place after her turn in gym

I was anxious about which kid Greenleigh would be on stage. There's always the Kid that Cries the Whole Time, or the Kid that Runs Around in Circles the Whole Time, or the Kid that Plays with Her Piece of Tape on the Floor, or the Kid that Just Stands There... You get the idea.
Greenleigh kept complaining about her hairpieces pulling her head. They really were in there kind of tight, but they had to be! Anyway, every time she would do a flip during her gymnastics routine, she would immediately reach up and grab her pigtails. It was hilariously cute. I think at one point they finally pulled because she started looking like she wanted to cry, but she never did. It's funny; in the video, you can see her composing herself and then finishing the routine. She is so precious.



My "Boogie Baby" singing on stage

I can't wait to post this tap routine video. :) That's all I'm gonna say about that.

I have never been more proud of my child. Dance is not just something that I want her to do. She asks to go all the time. As we were getting backstage to get ready Saturday, she looked around, looked up at me and said, "Mama, I can't WAIT to go dance!" :)
I can't WAIT to post pictures and videos today! She was adorable. Thank you Tabitha for being my personal photographer- ilymtl <3

Fifty Shades

About two months ago, I pre-ordered the re-released prints of the Fifty Shades trilogy. I'd heard nothing but raving reviews about them, and I was excited to get my hands on them.

They came in the mail this week. I opened them up on Tuesday. Before I did, however, I heard a discussion about them on The Bert Show on Q100. Women were calling in who had read them, saying that they were a great love story. I also heard the word "bondage" more than once, and I immediately pictured some twisted serial-killer craziness. Apparently, the books talk about lots of "taboo" things that most women don't talk about, and apparently there are some women in Atlanta very turned on by these ideas. There were women calling in saying that the books helped them spice things up with their own lover. I stayed tuned into my radio, taking in what every radio caller had to say, and I have to admit, it got me curious.

I don't read the passion romance grocery store novels, and I wasn't sure what to expect when I opened the book. But I quickly got sucked in, and before I knew it, I was 350 pages deep. "Fifty Shades" is different. Very different.
It's about a young college graduate, Anastasia Steele, who stands in on a newspaper interview for her best friend, only to come face-to-face with rich bachelor Christian Grey. They're instantly attracted to each other, but there is a problem. Christian is a violent sexual sadist- he thinks of himself as a Dominant, and all of his partners as Submissives. Anastasia is a virgin with no experience at all. The series is about how they find a balance to make it work. There are explicit sex scenes, but they don't come off trashy. The entire storyline is so intriguing.
It's really cool to think about the positions and roles in this book and how they would affect our love lives if we applied them in real life. It's an experiment I plan on putting to the test soon ;)

I just finished Book II, and am moving on to Book III. If you're looking for a new series, I've found it!

Was that the best I'll ever be?

I know you guys are always like "What in the world" because I bounce from long, wordy posts to quick paragraphs or song lyrics. Sorry- that's just how my brain works. I have a Pin that says, "I think my brain is 70% song lyrics", and this is so true.

That being said, I love when I find a version of a favorite song that I've never heard before. I especially love acoustic songs. I found this piano acoustic version tonight of a Sister Hazel song I used to play on repeat. I hope you love it like I do! Sometimes finding songs like this puts just a little more sunshine in my day. :)

You're welcome, by the way, for the eye candy...

"I'm a little drunk on you, and high on summertime..."

It's one month and 3 days until the "My Kinda Party" concert.
I am particularly excited to be in the same 300-foot-radius as Luke Bryan.

I love his voice, his look, his lyrics, his music, his baseball cap, his Hanes T-shirts... and I especially love his last name. :)

You make MY speakers go boom boom!

*sigh* Adorable.

I wasn't really looking forward to the Jason Aldean part of the concert because I think he's kind of a jerk. AND because he only got famous after he remade Brantley Gilbert's best two songs. But this popped up on my Facebook news feed today, and it got me thinking that maybe it might not be so bad if he took off that ridiculously stiff cowboy hat and took a page out of LB's book. Check it out.

That's all. And you're welcome! haha

P.S. To the other Bryan boy in my life- you're still Number One. Don't worry ;)

“You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, and how rare and strange it is, to find in a life composed so much of odds and ends, to find a friend who has these qualities, and gives those qualities upon which friendship lives. How much it means that I say this to you -without these friendships - life, what cauchemar!”

Some people don't talk about their exes, like they're a bad word or a taboo subject and the only person in their life, ever, was their current spouse/significant other.
If you're one of those people, this post might make you uncomfortable. I only have one significant ex-boyfriend. I'm about to talk about him and his wife.

If you'd been an observer at Shawn Chapman funeral home a few weekends ago, you would've seen three people sitting in the back of a parlor room, talking and laughing. Depending on your perspective, the three people could have been a few things. You would have either seen:
1. Me, a really good friend, and her husband
2. Three friends
3. Me, my ex-boyfriend and his wife

My friend Morghen and I have a weird friendship to everyone else but us. We knew each other when we were little, but we went to separate schools and didn't really talk at all until a few years ago, when Facebook started connecting people. She lives nine hours away from me, but we keep in touch through Blogger, Facebook and the occasional text message conversation. (I hate talking on the phone unless it's too much to type.)

Nothing about any of that is weird. The weird part is that she's married to the guy that I once was convinced would be MY husband one day.
Her husband Colby was my boyfriend for over three years. He is also the boyfriend you've heard me refer to as the "fire and gasoline" relationship. Most people wouldn't bother keeping touch with a friend with whom the situation is so awkward.

Here's the thing.
I adore Morghen. Not in any weird, stalker way. I don't talk to her to keep up with Colby. In fact, we rarely talk about him. I adore her because she's a great person. We both love pretty much all the same things in life. We're both crafty; I think we especially bonded over things that involved sharing our ideas. We're both book nerds. We just "click".

Quite some time ago, the bitterness subsided and I began to really want in my heart for Colby to be happy. He was a huge part of my life. I think if you really love someone, you honestly in your heart want  them to be happy. If he had married pretty much anyone else, I would have probably disliked whoever it was, to be honest. Before I married Tyler, I wasn't above sabotaging his chances with any girls I didn't like. But when I heard he was dating Morghen, I had a strange sense of peace about their relationship, because I TRULY in my heart love the person that Morghen is. We even had dinner twice while Colby was in Afghanistan.

The only thing that is different about my friendship with her is that I have to be a little more considerate about certain things. In writing "Mine", I can't tell my story with Tyler without talking about Colby. When it comes to that, I've made sure to talk to her about it all first. Not because I need her permission, but because I respect her enough to do so. Our friendship is worth those kinds of precautions, to me.


So when I saw the two of them a few weeks ago, it wasn't weird at all. I sat and talked with them for over an hour without realizing how much time had passed. I never once felt uncomfortable, and I actually think the three of is might have been the most comfortable with the situation out of everyone else in the room.
This is how it happened in my eyes: Colby approached me first with a "Hey girl" and a big hug. Cool. He looked great, and he looked happy.
Then I saw Morghen and was so excited. I haven't seen her in almost three years. I've been busy with a family and she's been busy being a wife. I was pumped to see my long-distance friend and spend some face to face time with her. The person with whom she spends her life is just coincidentally someone that used to be a part of mine.
That night, in my eyes, I was spending time with my friend and her husband, not my ex and his wife. If that makes sense at all.

Why should it always be drama in situations like this? Just because Colby and I used to date doesn't mean that it has to be weird with Morghen and me, or that the two of us shouldn't be friends. It just means we are mature enough to overcome pettiness and appreciate that life does not have to be black and white. If you are fortunate enough to find in life a friend that you treasure, don't let petty things hinder you from truly enjoying that person and the friendship that you have.

Just a thought...

There is nothing better than seeing a horrible picture of your husband's ex on Facebook. Especially if she did nothing but cause problems for you two in the beginning.

My night just got slightly better.
Mean? Yes.

Column Blog

Hey blog friends!

I started a new blog to publish the columns I write for The Chatsworth Times each week. Go Follow it and leave feedback each week.
Also, if you have any ideas for future columns, feel free to leave those in a comment as well. I love hearing from friends. :)

www.lindseyscolumns.blogspot.com

The Rock Revivals

This weekend was awesome.

Tyler's mom wanted Greenleigh and Skyler to spend the night Friday, so Tyler and I got to have a date night on Friday. It consisted of calling in a pizza and spending the night on the couch watching The Rum Diary. I usually cook dinner, so the pizza was a nice switch-up. The Rum Diary was weird- good, but weird. I think I would've liked it better if I hadn't seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas before I watched it, because the entire movie just reminded me of how much I don't understand that type of humor. Tyler, on the other hand, loved it. Go figure.

Saturday we got up and ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel- I love their apple butter and biscuits- and then headed to the mall in search of an outfit for an exciting event coming up for me. Hear me, ladies. My husband HATES shopping. Like, everything about it. He doesn't like to be overwhelmed with lots of different decisions at once, he despises spending money, and he especially hates shopping with ME because I'm so indecisive. We haven't spent much quality time together at the mall in the four and a half years we've been together.

We spent five hours in seach of an outfit. Five. Tyler helped me out in almost every store, throwing me some ideas and weighing in his opinion. It was actually really fun to have him interested in something for me, and he was such such SUCH a good sport.

On our way out, I talked him into "just swinging in" to Buckle. (I really don't know why I do that to myself every time I walk by, but I just can't stay away.) A chick named Courtney helped me "just try on" some jeans.

Courtney handed me a pair of Rock Revival jeans in my size, and I tried to ignore the price tag as I slipped them on. And as soon as I got them buttoned, I was in love. They felt like velvet, and they might as well have been made for my body.

Girls, help me out. There is just something about finding a pair of jeans that fit you like a glove. The way they feel against your thighs, the way they curve with your hips... It does WONDERS for your morale and self-confidence. I looked at the jeans in the mirror and instantly began salivating.

I showed them off to Tyler, who admitted they were awesome, but he had a minor stroke when he saw the price. Like I said, Tyler hates spending money, and he especially hates spending it on clothes. I said my goodbyes to the jeans from heaven and we walked out and headed toward the car.

We made it all the way into the department store before he groaned and turned me around... and went back to Buckle to get them.
(This. Never. Happens.)

Guess who is excited about Casual Tuesday tomorrow?! This Girl. :)

On our way to Kennesaw for a day-date :)

P.S. If you haven't seen it yet, go check out this amazingly cute, adorable, precious video:

http://ourserendipitousirony.blogspot.com/2012/03/priceless-moment-in-dressing-room.html

Peaks and Pits

This week has been an absolute roller coaster. I have never been so elated in my life only to turn around the next day and be more devastated than I ever dreamed I could be. On the positive side of things, I am kicking butt at work. I love my job a lot more than I expected to. I've been there for a month, and I have made my way onto the official payroll (I was doing independent contracting) and I now have my own column. This week's column is based off the political post from last week, it's just a very watered down version of it. Chatsworth isn't ready to hear my full-blown opinions yet. :) I am so blessed to have this opportunity, and I don't take it for granted!

I also have some really REALLY exciting news that I'm busting to tell, but can't yet. And before you ask- no, no one's pregnant. Sorry to disappoint. <3

The low point of this week came to me via text message yesterday at about 1:00. I don't want to elaborate on anything more yet, but I have an enormous prayer request for someone that's one of the most important people in my life, who got some terrifying news yesterday. I'm still shell-shocked and in denial... Keep my family/friends in your prayers this week, please. Say special prayers for us tomorrow afternoon.

I also need to take some time in this post to thank the people who are so amazing in my life- those of you who read these posts and then text me, and those of you who follow on Blogger. Just having all of you in my life is such a tremendous blessing. The friend with a late night reassuring text message, or the friend at the table doing a jigsaw puzzle and drinking coffee because we just don't want to talk about it, or the friend that surprised me with an unexpected call after what was a busy day... you guys rock. You have no idea how awesome it is to have such beautiful people around me.

I'm off to catch up on "New Girl". She never lets me down. :)

Love <3

"Crush": Crush or Crushed?

It's taken Tyler and me a LONG time to find a church we are both not only comfortable in, but excited about. I'm talking, like, years. Since we've been together- which going on four and a half years now. I'm SO excited to tell you that we have finally found a church that we actually look forward to with a pastor we can relate to. It's a non-denominational church, and we love everything about it.

Our first visit was on the first sermon of a marriage series titled "Crush". We were interested to see what it was all about and, once we heard the first marriage, excited to hear what else Jason had to say, because our marriage has overcome MOUNTAINS (in the plural) in the past 12 months.

The series, which ended this morning, has been incredible, and I wanted to share it with you guys. Whether you're married, engaged, whatever, this is definitely worth listening to. This is the first part of the series, titled "Crush or Crushed". It's lengthy, but when you get time to curl up on the couch, give it a listen.


Revolution Church

Politics and Religion: How do they mix in my world?

I've been pretty vocal about my stand in the Republican primary elections lately. Some people seem to think that just because I am so very much against Rick Santorum, I don't hold Christian values. This post is to clear that up. And it's long, so get comfortable.

I was saved in a Methodist church when I was seven years old. I can take you back to the very place I prayed. Soon after that, my family left the Methodist denomination and joined a baptist church, where I was taught pretty "normal" baptist views, and I became very comfortable. I loved my youth group and was very involved there. Then when I was fourteen, the church split. I remember the day the congregation voted, and I vividly remember the tears running down my face when we left that church for the last time. After that, we floated around a bit before we landed in a church full of the biggest hypocrites I have ever encountered, and that might be an understatement. The preacher directed messages AT certain people in the congregation, and I hated it. But I went because my parents made me, and I fell into place there regardless.

I am not claiming I was perfect. Actually, I was far from it. When I left the one church at 14, I lost touch with God for a long while, and I made some pretty stupid mistakes. Public ones. A few times. But even during the darkest times, I still knew I was a Christian, and I knew God was with me no matter what I did.

I graduated soon enough, and was free to interpret the world as I saw it, for once. This is where a lot of my questions came into play. For example, I was taught that being gay was a sin- it was wrong, "disgusting", immoral, etc. But once I left my sleepy hometown, I met quite a few gays, and was somewhat surprised to discover that not only were they not disgusting, but they were not very different from me, except that they loved someone of the same gender. They were-gasp!- normal. Some of them became my friends. It did not take long for me to shake the "guidelines" of the Baptist church and guide myself by what I knew to be true from personal experience: that I believed in God, and my God was a God of LOVE. Sure, I believed in right and wrong, but I came to understand that judging others is not any other person's place. We're all a little different, and who was to say that my different was any more moral than another's? Past that, I didn't have any other opinions on religion. I shed it completely and found my own personal place of peace: in my agape God.

That was all to let you know where I stand as I go into this next political part.

I don't consider myself a Democrat nor a Republican, just as I don't consider myself any sort of religious denomination. I base my opinions and vote solely on the candidates running for office, and whether or not I agree with what they're saying and trying to do.

I have never been a fan of Obama. I thought it was absurd that people were so hyped up because he was going to be the first colored President, as if skin color is any sort of reason to vote for the leader of this great country. I don't like him because he manipulates facts to make it look like he's done more than what he actually has. For example, in his State of the Union address this year, he claimed he has created 3 million jobs since he took office, which is only partially true. What he failed to mention is that 5 million jobs were lost during that same time frame.  For all you math majors out there, that is a total of -2 million jobs to Obama's credit. Obama also promised, during his 2008 campaign, to cut our country's deficit in half. He has nearly doubled it in just four years.

When Bill Clinton was in office, our country had a surplus for the first time in history. Here we are, twenty years later, and we are 17 TRILLION dollars in debt. Now, I am aware that this is not all Obama's fault. A great sum of this could be credited to George W. Bush and the war he proclaimed on Iraq. While we're on that subject, I don't think that W. made an entirely wrong decision there. A group of terrorist flies planes into our government buildings and we're supposed to do nothing? Negative. I completely, 100% agree that we should have taken action against Al Quieda. Maybe not the entire country of Iraq and its citizens, but Al Quieda for sure.

A lot of people have stated their support for Obama because he killed Osama bin Laden. Let me be clear- our President did no such thing. Our President sat in his office. A team of skilled and very brave Navy Seals killed Osama bin Laden. Obama might have "helped" by offering his support when the military officers reported the intelligence that our brave troops have gathered, but Obama did not kill bin Laden.

So- what do we do about this mess we're in? The natural answer seems obvious- we get a new President, right? But who? Who do we nominate as worthy of taking on the role as leader of our country? The Republican party has put up four different candidates- Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich.

If I didn't hate hypocrisy so much, I might like Newt. Newt Gingrich stands on stages and podiums and claims that gays "violate the sanctity of marriage". In the same breath, he is guilty of cheating on his wife multiple times and asking her for an "open marriage". WHAT! Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Anyone who has been exposed as a cheater has no room to condemn others. I believe the correct term is "the pot calling the kettle black". For this reason, I cannot stomach Newt Gingrich.

Ron Paul has made public statements that have showed that he is racist. But more important are his statements about war, foreign policy, and more. He is in favor of withdrawing America from the U.N.- our most valuable allies. He wants to withdraw the U.S. from the Anit-Ballistic Missile Treaty. He supports the electoral college and believes America is not a democracy. He believes that law enforcement is basically useless. He sponsored the Marriage Protection Act. He voted to eliminate all family planning funds... The list goes on and on.

Then there's Santorum. I could probably write a whole post about why I hate this guy, but I'll try to summarize. Like I said earlier, I believe that our God is a God of LOVE. Rick Santorum is coming out with all sorts of judgements and stances against certain rights, and he is using "God" as a reason to support his radical stances. He claims that he is a Christian, but he is passing out judgements left and right. Not only is he judging, but he wants to make his personal beliefs the LAW. Santorum has publicly proclaimed a war on gays, pushing the ban of gay marriage and is in favor of criminalizing gay sex. I already stated where I stand on the gay thing. The fact that someone could say who has the right to marry another, no matter how much they love each other, is appalling to me. Neil Patrick Harris has been with David Burtka for eight years, but they can't get married. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian can have a 10 million dollar wedding that results in a 72 day marriage and it's okay. Anyone else see a problem here?

Santorum also wants to criminalize certain sex acts, abortion, and ban contraception. As a female, I have a problem with the abortion thing. No, I do not personally believe that abortion is the right decision. But moreso than I believe that, I believe that every female has the right to choose what happens in her own body. I do not believe that a zygote is a human, and I do not believe that it's anyone else's decision to make except the woman that is having to deal with the situation.

Now, onto the contraception/sex thing. Yes, I am going to talk about sex. Go ahead and get it out of your system. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Santorum claimed that "contraception is just wrong. Sex is an act for procreation. If you strip that away, then it's solely for...pleasure." (He said pleasure with a disgusted look on his face.) Now, I am married; I can talk about sex. Get ready: I have sex with my husband! We enjoy sex. I believe God created sex for a man and wife to enjoy each other, to bond with each other on a more intimate level, and to just flat out have fun and get a release from the stress the rest of the day may bring. For Rick Santorum to try to criminalize certain sex acts (sodomy) would grant law enforcement the freedom to come into our bedroom. I looked up the definition of sodomy, for those of you who are disgusted and thinking about anal sex right now. Did you know that sodomy also includes oral copulation? As in, oral sex? Be honest here- how many of YOUR husbands/partners would be happy if this was to become illegal? Would you be happy?! I could go on, but I won't... mostly because Tyler is going to think this is an overshare already.

My husband and I have two wonderful, beautiful children. We're happy. We also do not want any more kids. I believe that contraception is our right (and any woman's right, for that matter) to make decisions about our future.

One last note on Santorum: He doesn't believe in contraception. He doesn't believe in sex for any other reason than procreation. He wants to criminalize oral sex. I feel sorry for his poor, poor wife.

Mitt Romney seems the lesser of the evils to me. People seem to dislike him because he's rich, but he has worked hard for the money he has. We need a President who understands how the economy works; Romney does. He was criticized for paying 15% taxes, but he also donated 15% of his income last year to charity. (Obama donated 1%, and our vice president Biden gave $376 to charity last year.)  Romney also, like myself, is personally against abortion but doesn't believe the government should interfere with such decisions. He does not believe in the ban of contraception. He supported gays openly serving in our military. He has openly claimed that the gay community needs more support from the Republican party.

I'm not preaching Mitt Romney, but I'll vote for him over Obama any day of the week.

So in conclusion, the Jesus I know preached love and acceptance, not hatred and judgement. Therefore, I do not believe it's the government's place to try to play God. I also believe it's time for a change- and not the false promises of "change" that Obama promised four years ago.

Vote! It matters!

Untitled.

"Every once in a while, God gives you someone to love and to share your life with. Sometimes it's for a little while, sometimes it's for the rest of your life. Sometimes they are in your life or out of your life. But that person will always have a time, place, song, or picture that brings you right back to them, filling your face with a smile and a memory that can't be forgotten."

This made me smile on so very many levels.

My Personality Page

I stole this from Morghen and got these results. It is SO eerie how accurate this is!! Holy crap.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

This was Tyler's. Jesus Lord!

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

"My friends remind me, by their very steadfastness, that truth, beauty and goodness exist in the world, and that no matter what, there are and always will be people loving people through thick and thin."

She is on the left in every picture.
Everyone should have a best friend like this. <3

My Home Office (So Far)

Hey friends!

So, it's been forever since I've posted- I'm sorry! It's been crazy hectic in my world lately. I'm starting a new job next week, and I am so excited. I'll tell you guys more about it later.

For now, I just wanted to share with you the home office I have put together so far. This is the only space in our house that is truly mine and mine only; no one else uses it.

To the left I keep all my crafting/painting/art supplies in a Sterilite plastic dresser. It needs major reorganization, but I'm getting to that. Eventually, I want to put a shelf up to hold all my paint and paintbrushes, pencils and pens, and other randomness.

I got the desk on clearance at Wal-Mart for $18. It's simple, but it's all I need and I love it. The lamp also came from Wally World, it was $7. That gorgeous metal, tile and suede chair came from- wait for it- Goodwill, and I paid $15 for it. I've recently started browsing at Goodwill, and it's amazing the deals you can find sometimes! The black rug is also from Wal-Mart, it's a 5x7' and

has little swirly designs in it, but you can't tell in the picture.

To the right is a temporary solution for a bookshelf. I got the cubes at Target about a year ago, and they've served several purposes as needed. Right now, it's holding some of my favorite books until I can find a bookcase that I like well enough to put in its place.

This is my desk area. I wanted to surround myself with things I love when I sit here, but I didn't want to use family pictures again since they're everywhere else in the house. So, I saved two of my favorite Pins, resized them on my computer to print out as 5x7s, and voila! Artwork for my wall.
On top of the desk, I took gold and silver paint markers and wrote some of my favorite lines and lyrics all over it. The solid white was too plain for me. And since she is everything I love, Taylor Swift is chillin' in the corner on top of the lamp base.

So there it is! I have a home office! :) I wanted to share it with you and get your opinions. I'll post the changes as they come along.

Adios, amigos :)