“You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, and how rare and strange it is, to find in a life composed so much of odds and ends, to find a friend who has these qualities, and gives those qualities upon which friendship lives. How much it means that I say this to you -without these friendships - life, what cauchemar!”

Some people don't talk about their exes, like they're a bad word or a taboo subject and the only person in their life, ever, was their current spouse/significant other.
If you're one of those people, this post might make you uncomfortable. I only have one significant ex-boyfriend. I'm about to talk about him and his wife.

If you'd been an observer at Shawn Chapman funeral home a few weekends ago, you would've seen three people sitting in the back of a parlor room, talking and laughing. Depending on your perspective, the three people could have been a few things. You would have either seen:
1. Me, a really good friend, and her husband
2. Three friends
3. Me, my ex-boyfriend and his wife

My friend Morghen and I have a weird friendship to everyone else but us. We knew each other when we were little, but we went to separate schools and didn't really talk at all until a few years ago, when Facebook started connecting people. She lives nine hours away from me, but we keep in touch through Blogger, Facebook and the occasional text message conversation. (I hate talking on the phone unless it's too much to type.)

Nothing about any of that is weird. The weird part is that she's married to the guy that I once was convinced would be MY husband one day.
Her husband Colby was my boyfriend for over three years. He is also the boyfriend you've heard me refer to as the "fire and gasoline" relationship. Most people wouldn't bother keeping touch with a friend with whom the situation is so awkward.

Here's the thing.
I adore Morghen. Not in any weird, stalker way. I don't talk to her to keep up with Colby. In fact, we rarely talk about him. I adore her because she's a great person. We both love pretty much all the same things in life. We're both crafty; I think we especially bonded over things that involved sharing our ideas. We're both book nerds. We just "click".

Quite some time ago, the bitterness subsided and I began to really want in my heart for Colby to be happy. He was a huge part of my life. I think if you really love someone, you honestly in your heart want  them to be happy. If he had married pretty much anyone else, I would have probably disliked whoever it was, to be honest. Before I married Tyler, I wasn't above sabotaging his chances with any girls I didn't like. But when I heard he was dating Morghen, I had a strange sense of peace about their relationship, because I TRULY in my heart love the person that Morghen is. We even had dinner twice while Colby was in Afghanistan.

The only thing that is different about my friendship with her is that I have to be a little more considerate about certain things. In writing "Mine", I can't tell my story with Tyler without talking about Colby. When it comes to that, I've made sure to talk to her about it all first. Not because I need her permission, but because I respect her enough to do so. Our friendship is worth those kinds of precautions, to me.


So when I saw the two of them a few weeks ago, it wasn't weird at all. I sat and talked with them for over an hour without realizing how much time had passed. I never once felt uncomfortable, and I actually think the three of is might have been the most comfortable with the situation out of everyone else in the room.
This is how it happened in my eyes: Colby approached me first with a "Hey girl" and a big hug. Cool. He looked great, and he looked happy.
Then I saw Morghen and was so excited. I haven't seen her in almost three years. I've been busy with a family and she's been busy being a wife. I was pumped to see my long-distance friend and spend some face to face time with her. The person with whom she spends her life is just coincidentally someone that used to be a part of mine.
That night, in my eyes, I was spending time with my friend and her husband, not my ex and his wife. If that makes sense at all.

Why should it always be drama in situations like this? Just because Colby and I used to date doesn't mean that it has to be weird with Morghen and me, or that the two of us shouldn't be friends. It just means we are mature enough to overcome pettiness and appreciate that life does not have to be black and white. If you are fortunate enough to find in life a friend that you treasure, don't let petty things hinder you from truly enjoying that person and the friendship that you have.