"On my own, I'm only half of what I could be; I can't do without you. We are stitched together, and what love has tethered, I pray we never undo. 'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs; God gave me you for the days of doubt."
Three years ago today, I was miserable. It was supposed to be the best day of my life, all glittery and sparkly and bubbly... and I couldn't stop throwing up.
When Tyler and I first got engaged, we had a beautiful spring wedding planned. I was going to spend the next eight months doing what I do and planning an elaborate, perfect, amazing wedding. But that stopped short about a month later when we found out the two of us were about to become three. We were going to be parents! As excited as we were, we had to put the dream wedding we wanted to rest and speed the entire process up. A week or so after we found out the big news, the nausea hit, and it didn't leave until Greenleigh was born.
So I spent the entire (short) engagement detached, sick, and absolutely miserable. Have you ever thrown up grape juice? I have. It's a memory that is forever seared in my head because I remember hugging the toilet thinking, "God, I don't even have to have a wedding. I physically cannot do it." I wanted to JOP it up and just elope. But Tyler's sister had done that, and Tyler knew his mother really wanted her baby boy to have a REAL wedding.
I didn't have an opinion about any of it. I even let my bridesmaids pick their dresses and the color. I remember telling my grandfather, who was the florist, "Just get magnolias and make them pretty." I could not physically function from the dehydration, enemia, and overall yuckiness that came with my pregnancy. I was an hour late to my own rehearsal dinner because I was so sick. I cried that night like you've never seen, but Tyler had his arms wrapped around me and rocked me until I was able to get up and go to the church with him.
But November 8 arrived, lo and behold. So I put my game face on and tried my best to be the beautiful bride I had always dreamed of being. I felt like I was going through all the motions without really BEING there. Then before I knew it, I was holding my dad's arm and it was time to make my entrance. I was about to walk down the aisle- a moment a little girl dreams of her whole life. I prayed that Baby would let me make it through the ceremony without interrupting. I worried like you wouldn't believe about puking on the church altar, or passing out on Preacher Langley.
The church doors opened and I saw Tyler's face, and suddenly I wasn't so worried anymore. It all came together for me at that moment- HE was the reason I was here. My sweet fiance, my best friend. The only man in the world that I trusted. Several minutes later, I heard his voice come over the sound system, flooding the church with his pre-recorded wedding vows, and I knew that nothing else in the world mattered except that I was about to be his wife. I could handle anything, physically or emotionally, as long as he was there with me, holding my hand. He took my hands in his, and this is what I heard:
"Lindsey, throughout my entire life I have been searching and waiting for the one person that I knew would always be there for me. For someone that could truly understand me and love me for all that I am, and all that I am not. It has been a long and painful journey at times, and has always come up empty, until I met you. From the moment I first saw you I knew that there was something different about you, something that set you apart from the rest. It did not take long to realize that you were the one, the angel that I had been waiting for. I know that I can always turn to you and depend on you. I know that I can always talk to you and express my true feelings with you. You know me and understand me more than I thought anyone ever could. And for this I am so grateful that God brought you to me. We have already been through a lot together and experienced many trials. But we always worked through our troubles together, as a team, and forged on with our lives and our relationship. Because of this, I know we have already been tested and will be able to make it through anything that life may bring us in the future. I know this because you are my teammate, my best friend, and the angel that I want to spend my life with. I promise I will always be there for you, and you can always turn to me, whether you need a friend, advice, or just a shoulder to cry on. I will always be by you. I love you."
Since that day, we have faced a lot together. And by a lot, I don't mean that lightly. We've faced more than our fair share of trials in the past three years. For a while, it felt like we kept getting kicked when we were down. We were even living separately for a while at the beginning of this year. Because of that, I can honestly and truly say that I know what it's like to live without him. And I know how much better my life is with him in it. To wake up beside, to laugh with, to cry with, to share my dreams with. To let see my silly nuances and quirks. To kiss, to hold, to fall asleep with every night. We've come through the past three years fighting like hell for this love we believe in, and I honestly believe we are in a better place now than we ever have been. Tyler is everything to me. I appreciate him and value him more now than I ever have. I am honored that he chose me to call his wife.
She's here!
I am SO proud of my best friend. She fought like hell to deliver her daughter herself, and she did! She's already an amazing mother. I am so excited for her. Right before she delivered, I told her: "You are about to know the most amazing love that you never knew existed." Once you become a mother, you understand. It REALLY is like having your heart wandering around outside your body. When it came time for me to go out and let Tab start to push, I walked out the door and immediately began to cry tears of joy for my sister. Then Todd (Tab's dad) started calling me a "squealer", so I started laughing and crying at the same time... then I cried again when I was standing with my ear to the door and I heard the nurse say, "She's here!" 
